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ace-jug · 5 years ago

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Richie and The Rabbit Hole (2)

Part 1

Summary: When everyone goes back to their lives after Pennywise, Richie doesn't. He stays in Derry and finds a portal that leads back to 1989, only a few months after the loser club "defeated" Pennywise the first time.Using the help of the younger losers, adult Richie goes back in time to fix all the wrong that Pennywise caused when he came back the second time.

Relationship: Richie/Eddie

Rating: M

Read on Archive: x

Chapter 2: The plan

All the losers are currently sitting inside the little club house that Ben built. They all have on their signature shower caps besides Richie and Eddie, who were obviously too "cool" to wear them. Beverly and Richie had called all the losers, waiting outside the club house, as future Richie paced inside, and once all the losers filed in, they looked at future Richie confusingly.

All the young losers awkwardly looked at future Richie as Beverly explained what the situation was and no this guy was not and I quote "Richie's long last dad, who Richie never knew till now, because his mom's a hoe."

“So, let me get this straight,” Ben starts, “this is Richie from the future and he wants us to fight Pennywise again, because if we don’t fight him now, he’ll come back in 27 years and kill some of us?"

“Precisely,” Beverly says and Ben nods a few times before falling onto his back with a sigh. He didn’t want to fight Pennywise again. It was bad enough that they almost died on numerous occasions, either that be going down to the sewer or almost kissing the monster itself. Ben almost pukes at the thought, remembering Pennywise as Beverly again. He wants to cry and he lets himself stay strong in order to not be embarrassed in front of crush.

Ben isn't the only one dreading the fight either, none of the losers wanted to, and it makes them all remember all their previous encounters with Pennywise again. They all hoped that it was defeated the last time and all the losers actually had just started living without constant fear that the clown was going to kill them and now, the future had already got new plans for them, literally.

“If our older selves can’t fight IT without dying, how are we supposed to?” Stanley pipes up, fear in his eyes as he starts crying, and the rest of the losers sit in silence. Beverly pats him on the back to try and reassure him, but it still doesn’t change anything.

Richie can tell they're all afraid, hell he was scared shitless when he went back to Derry a few days ago and even though he feels braver, it doesn't stop the fear from poking in. He knows he has to be strong though, for the kids, and he feels really bad, he really does, and seeing these kids cry makes him incredibly uncomfortable.

He feels sorry for them, he really does, because he knows how hard it is to be a kid, and how difficult Pennywise was in general. He just hopes this works out and doesn’t blow up in his face.

“We won,” Richie starts, “just not all of us made it and I understand the mistakes that were made. I know how to kill IT and for real this time.”

The room goes silent and Richie tries his best to think of the words to use. It honestly didn’t make much sense, how they defeated Pennywise. When he thinks about it, it seems really weird how they killed IT, but he needed to try.

“Pennywise is weak. Especially now. He ran away from you guys for a reason. He was close, but we have to go deeper, kill him where he disappeared into. After we get there, we have to remind him how small he is. We have to yell at him, be stronger than he is, tell him he’s a clown, make him feel small, so he becomes small, so that way we can grab his beating heart out of his chest and smash it.”

Richie stops there and looks intently at the other losers. None of them say anything for a moment, then younger Richie bursts into laughter.

“Yeah, okay, because calling a demonic clown a clown, the thing he purposely disguises himself as, is going to kill it. That’s genius homeless guy! Just genius!”

“Hey, I am not homeless! Far from it, I have a penthouse in California!” older Richie pipes up, because god dammit, he was not homeless! He was just gross from the sewers and overly tired.

Young Richie smiles at him, excitement bubbling in his small body. “You do? Oh my god, did you hear that guys, I’m gonna be rich! You guys better be nice to me!”

“Beep beep Richie,” Mike says to young Richie, looking at older Richie again.

“You are being serious, right?” Mike asks and he looks scared. He doesn’t know what to believe and honestly future Richie wasn’t really sure if this was going to work, but the only way it would, would be if he could make the other losers confident.

“As serious as I’ll ever be and I never am.”

“We know,” everyone says practically in unison and younger Richie sticks his tongue at them. Some of them roll their eyes, but not Eddie, he stares at older Richie in wonder.

“What do I look like when I’m older?” Eddie asks and Richie smiles at him. He remembers Eddie again and he’s not going to lie, Eddie aged pretty well. Maybe not as well as Ben, but Eddie was undeniably attractive, and when Richie saw Eddie again for the first time, all the feelings came up like they never went away, even before he remembered everything.

“Very handsome,” Richie says, smiling at the thought, biting his lip, and Eddie fists his hand in the air with victory.

“What about me?” Ben asks and Richie wants to say, he really does, because Ben gets HOT, but then he realizes that maybe meddling with the past so much isn’t such a good idea. He’s doing enough already and he can’t have these kids expecting that their lives are going to turn out exactly as Richie says, especially when he’s lifting the curse of Pennywise.

“Okay, that’s enough with the future. I know you all want to hear about it and I really want to talk about it, but just because I tell you something is going to happen, doesn’t mean it will and I really don’t want to freak you out or make you believe your going to get something great that never comes.”

"Also-," future Richie continues, staring and pointing at past Richie. "Don't expect to make bank when your older now. You don't get anywhere without working your ass off."

Younger Richie rolls his eyes. "I know, I know," he says and then Eddie furrows his brows for a second, before looking at younger Richie.

“Wait, wait, so Richie’s mom isn’t a hoe?” Eddie asks, even though the conversation about this guy being Richie's mom was long forgotten. It even takes younger Richie a second to pick it up, but as soon as he does, he goes straight into bantering with the shorter teen.

“Oh, shut up, you know it’s the other way around. I mean, your mom is easy. I’ve already been to Mrs.K’s house today and-”

“Can you guys just shut up?” Beverly pipes up and Richie only smirks at her. “Hey, I didn’t start it, Eddie did. It’s not my fault that Eddie is jealous that me and his mom are-” Richie stops, looking at Eddie, trying to act concerned as he looks at him.

"What?" Eddie asks, confused and slightly blushing from the way that Richie was looking at him. Why did Richie stop talking in the middle of his sentence? It wasn’t like him to stop talking when no one interrupted him, but even then, he usually continues.

"You have a spider in your hair," Richie says with a smirk on his face.

Eddie's eyes go wide in horror and he tries his best not to freak out over it. Richie was lying, obviously, he could tell by the look on his face, but that didn't stop Eddie from thinking of the 1% chance that Richie was telling the truth.

"You're lying!" Eddie yells and Richie shakes his head. "I'm not. See its right-" he cuts himself off, as he pointed to Eddie's head before tickling him.

"It's here, it's there. Oh my god Eds."

Everyone stares at them, Stan is groaning and rolling his eyes.

"Seriously guys, right now?" Beverly asks rolling her eyes and waving her hands in the air frustratingly, but young Richie doesn't stop, he keeps going, and Eddie doesn't stop laughing. He curses at Richie a little too and older Richie stares, confused, and a little concerned. Was he really that obvious and annoying when he was younger? I mean, it was kinda ridiculous. They were having a serious conversation and he just decided it was the best time to tickle his crush.

When it goes on a little too long, Beverly looks at adult Richie, giving him the eyes of 'are you gonna do something about this?'

Right , Richie was the adult, which technically meant he was in charge. Even though the only child he's ever babysat in the past 10 years was his niece and he suspected he was pretty bad at that too considering he usually buys her pizza, ice cream, and candy, then let's her stay up till 1am. Yeah, he shouldn't have kids, not without someone who's willing to raise two kids at once at least.

"Richie Thomas Tozier I swear to god if you don't stop, I'll tell Eddie you slept with his mom," older Richie says, which leaves both boys in fear, and he’s honestly surprised that it breaks them apart.

He also noticed how painfully obvious he was about his crush on Eddie and it made him cringe a little bit. Like, really? Tickling him in front of everyone? He’s 13, not 4.

"You slept with my mom!? I thought that was just a joke," Eddie asked younger Richie and older Richie shrugged.

"Yeah, we also got married. Technically your my son little Eddie Spaghetti," older Richie said, stirring the pot even more, because if one thing didn’t change over the years, it was the fact that Richie was still a trashmouth shit starter.

“What!? Your fucking with me! This isn’t funny! My mom would never-” Eddie starts screaming hesticarly and older Richie laughs.

“Yes, okay, fine, I’m joking with you,” he says quickly before Eddie really goes insane. He knows how Eddie can be and he’s not about to get him royally pissed off when they’re here on a mission.

Younger Richie pushes Eddie, “Yeah Eddie, why would I want to sleep with your mom, when I’m rich living in California sleeping with a bunch of models? I have standards.”

Older Richie chuckles at that. “Yeah, no, you definitely do not have standards,” Richie says, remembering all the horrible ex girlfriends and one night stands over his life. One time he dated a girl that quite literally had a breakdown in his penthouse, breaking the window, and he still dated her until she cheated on him.

“He never denied the hot babes,” Richie said, looking back at Eddie. “Ya jealous there Eds?”

“No, definitely not. I have standards and you don’t,” Eddie said and older Richie couldn’t help but burst into laughter yet again, shaking his head, because between the two of them, Richie might actually win on having better standards. I mean come on, Eddie basically married his mother. An overbearing, overprotective, debatable abusive lady and honestly it wasn't funny, it really wasn't, but seeing young Eddie pipe up with rage was way too funny to not continue laughing.

“What, WHAT?” Eddie yelled at him and older Richie kept cackling for a few seconds. “Nothing, nothing, we need to get back to what we were talking about. No more funny business.”

“But I didn’t start anything! Tell me why you were laughing!” Eddie yelled again and older Richie shook his head again. “Don’t worry about it kiddo. It’s noth-” he makes another giggling noise before finishing, “nothing. I promise.”

Eddie went to speak again, but Beverly looked at him sternly, as to let it go, and Eddie sighed, he didn’t want to let it go. Richie knew something he didn’t and it made him uncomfortable. Did he end up dating or marrying someone awful? Did he end up alone? Both thoughts were scary and the fact that Richie knew what he was like, who he was with or not with, bubbled him with curiosity, he’d definitely have to talk to him later.

“H-h-how many-y of us di-ee?” Bill pipes up, trying to get away from the whole bickering moment and Richie shakes his head no, because he can’t. They’ll freak out, he knows they will.

“It’s not important,” Richie says and Bill shakes his head.

“I need-d-d to know Rich-i-i-e-e.”

“Don’t worry Bill. Just know that I know we can win. None of us died after we knew what to do.” Which was true, no one did die after that, but even so, Eddie still died in the process, at the spur of the moment. Richie couldn’t guarantee that even if he knew how to kill Pennywise, that it would actually work. He’s not sure if only Eddie dying was supposed to be bad luck or good luck. They all could die, and then what? He would have killed all the losers, because Richie was selfish and thought he was stronger than what he actually was.

Richie didn’t want to think of that possibility and he wouldn’t, because he wouldn’t let that happen. Pennywise was weak now and it was the perfect moment to strike, it had to be. This was fate giving him a second chance and he wouldn't waste it.

Bill nodded, because he understood that any loss was something. Even if it was just one, it was a big enough reason to fight. Pennywise even taking one more kid, even if they were random, was enough rage fuel for Bill to want to fight.

“Why here-e-e. Wh-y-y now? What-t-t about George Georg-ie?” Bill asks and Richie shrugs.

“I’m not sure, all I know is I was taken here at this time. I had no control over it and I’m just dealing with what I got.”

Bill nods, looking down, because he really wants to save Georgie. If this is all real and this guy is Richie from the future. If time travel exists, he wants to save Georgie too.

Richie knows Bill well enough to know what he’s thinking about and he doesn’t want to break Bill’s heart. He really doesn’t, because it’s not fair that he can come back to save Stanely and Eddie, but not Georgie. Georgie never even got to grow up and Bill loves Georgie, blames himself partially for Georgie's death. Bill has suffered and all Richie can do is put his hand on Bill’s back for a second, giving it a pat and telling him “I’m sorry Bill, I really am, but I’m not even supposed to be here right now and I don't even know how much time I have. I honestly stumbled in the past without understanding what was going on or how it happened.”

Bill nods, tears well in his eyes and fuck , Richie felt bad, he really did, but he was right. He wasn’t supposed to be here and he didn’t even know how time traveling worked or even if killing IT with the younger losers back before Georgie got killed would even do anything.

“We need to go, tonight,” Richie says, “I’m not sure if time traveling has a time limit or not and I’m not about to find out.”

The rest of the losers nodded, sadness in their eyes as they stared out into open space, because IT wasn’t dead and IT had killed some of them. Pennywise had killed some of them when they were adults; older, stronger, wiser, and it made them all the more scared, because Richie didn’t need to tell them that Pennywise was more than what he was when they hurt him mere months ago, even if he was weak. Killing Pennywise for good was going to be a task and one wrong move could not only kill them all, but change the future forever.

What if this was Pennywise? Older Richie thought. Going through the portal. Like, what if because Pennywise is dead in my timeline, that when he died, he implanted something in my brain when I was in the deadlights to time travel and give himself a second chance?

Okay, maybe he was over analyzing the situation, but the paranoia was real. Pennywise could have.

But thoughts like that wouldn’t get him anywhere. He just really needs something to eat and sleep, but the sleep part was a little harder to take care of with the questionable time he had. God, this has been the weirdest week of his life.

“I have tasks for you all and I want you to meet me back here in an hour, okay?”

The losers nodded and Richie stood up, pointing at the losers one by one.

“Mike, I need you to get that weird gun thing. Bill I need you to grab some matches and a torch. Beverly and Ben, I need you to get some spears, maybe steal some from that fence at the creepy house. Eddie, I need you to get a first aid kit. Richie, I need you to grab the hunting gun from your dad’s gun case.”

“YOU WANT ME TO WHAT!?” Younger Richie yells and older Richie pats him on the shoulder

“It’ll be fine, dad should be at work right now, so it’s not like he’ll notice.”

“But I need the key and how am I supposed to hide it? It’s fucking huge and if a cop stops me, I don’t know what I’ll tell them!” He whines and older Richie shrugs.

“Figure it out and stop being a pussy. Are you really more afraid of your dad then a killer clown, who I've told you have killed your friends?”

Younger Richie sighed, “Okay, fine, you win! Stop making me look like a jackass!”

“You do that to yourself,” Stan says and young Richie glares at him.

“Well, at least I came back for you guys in the future! Remember that when you’re 40 and not fucking dead!” Young Richie yells and right, future Richie had one more loser to conduct and he knew exactly what he needed.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” he says pointing at Stan. “Could you get me something to eat? I’m starving and I haven’t eaten all day and-”

“Yeah, okay, I got it,” Stan says in a huff, before walking out the clubhouse. Once he does, so does everybody else, and young Richie doesn’t stop complaining.

It makes older Richie realize how much of a little shit he was. He’s not gonna lie, he kinda loves and hates the younger version of himself, which he guesses is good, considering most people are at their lowest in middle school, and Richie hasn’t strangled himself yet.

Older Richie sighes, waiting for the younger losers to come back, and he thinks again, or as much as he can with a painfully empty stomach.

What was he supposed to do? Take the young losers down to the sewers with these make-do weapons and wing it?

Yeah, he was probably going to do that. He didn’t know of any other plan. He just had to be ready for anything. It is Pennywise after all and they had a plan last time, which didn’t work. Plus, they sorta had a plan. They had to be “mean” to Pennywise in order to kill IT and they knew they had to take out it’s heart, pull it part. They had a plan. The same plan that they found out on a whim after Eddie got stabbed.

They could do this. They had to. Richie won’t be able to live with himself otherwise.

....

First to come back is Stan. He’s got a hot dog in hand and a glass of water in the other. It’s not much, but honestly Richie was too hungry to care. He scarfed it down almost immediately after it’s handed to him. Stan doesn’t say anything, he just steps back and sits.

They stay silent for awhile, but since Richie was starving and thirsty, he finishes what he has quickly. It leaves the two alone in silence and Richie has kind of always been bad with silence.

“So, like...”Richie starts, but he doesn’t know what to say. How do you talk to teens again? He feels creepy if he’s being honest, but hey, technically Stan was the same age as him. Technically. It reminds him that he’s never actually got to talk to the older version of Stan. Never got to see the face of the man who he once called his best friend. Boy is that weird.

Stan was his best friend and not only had he forgotten about him, but he died. He never even had the chance to help Stan out of killing himself. He remembers how much of a pussy he thought Stan was for not showing up, until he found out that Stanley literally killed himself, because of his fear. He gulped at the thought and it seems that younger Stan seems to notice.

“I die, don’t I?” Stan asks when Richie can’t seem to find words and he still doesn’t know what to say, because he wants to keep it all a secret. He doesn’t want to scare Stanley more than he already is. He pauses, waits a few seconds, before trying to cover up the fact that Stan was right.

“Of course you don’t Stanely, what gave you that-”

“It’s obvious, alright? I’m the weakest link. I’m so scared Richie. I don’t want to do this. Please just let me die at 40. If I died at 40, I mean that’s a long fulfilling life isn’t it?”

Richie shakes his head and he wants so bad to take the pain away. He can’t stand that Stan would feel this way.

“No, Stan, listen, you’re braver than you think, alright? And I know you don’t believe me, but you are and more than one of us die. Who it is doesn’t matter. All that you need to know is that if we stick together and be brave, we can defeat IT. I know we can, but I need everyone on board.”

Stan shakes his head. “I can’t Richie, I can’t,” he’s crying again and Richie sighes, he can save Stanley, he knows he can.

“You can. You can. You’re just afraid, but believe me, they all are. Some of them are just better at hiding it. I promise you that 13 year old me is probably sitting in his room sobbing and sucking his thumb right now.”

Stan’s still crying, but it seems to get better, because he’s not really making any noises anymore and he furrows his brows.

“Wait, do you actually suck your thumb?”

Older Richie shrugs, “not anymore, but yeah, when I'm really nervous. It’s more of biting on the tip of my finger, okay? Don’t think too hard about it.”

Stan chuckles a little and he starts to feel better. Not a lot better, but a little. Everyone seems so confident and brave, while Stanely feels like he’s about to die from the nerves before they even take a step back into the sewers.

Older Richie looks back at him, smiling, because Stanely had always had low self esteem. Always thought little of himself, but he was so much more than that and Richie is just glad that in this moment, that they were here together, and they were alright.

Silence brews for a few minutes, before Beverly and Ben burst through the door with fence post spears from the house on Neibolt street. They have two each and Beverly hands one to adult Richie. He grips it firmly in hands, trying not to get another PTSD attack. He takes a deep breath, watching as Ben gives a spear to Stan too. He hesitates, but he takes one too.

Almost as suddenly as Stan takes the spear, Eddie comes in, then a few minutes pass before Mike comes, then Bill, and lastly young Richie, who grumbles in annoyance, as he hands adult Richie the gun, grabbing for the spear.

They all look at each other for a moment. None of them speak, not even one of the Richies. Ben only hands his other spear to Bill and with fire in his eyes, Bill says “what are we waiting for?” without a hesitation or stutter in his voice.

Older Richie smiles. “Let’s kill this fucking clown,” he says and the other losers smile, getting up and out of the clubhouse.

...

As they walked to the house, young Richie and Eddie bickered behind the group, as adult Richie lead, trying to keep his cool, as he led the losers to their possible deaths.

He wants to puke and he feels it come up a little bit, but he chokes it down. He was an adult and if he faltered, showed that he was scared, the rest of the group would get scared too.

They needed to be brave to win, mainly adult Richie needed to be brave for the rest of them if he wanted them all to live. If he wanted an even slight chance of seeing adult Eddie again and adult Stanley for the first time.

Richie took a deep breath as they approached the house and he didn't even look back, when he walked past the fence, up the stairs, and to the door. He opened it without hesitation, because for once in Richie's life, he felt brave.

Everything of the past week has led to this moment and he had played a thousand scenarios in his head of how the death of Pennywise could have went. Ones where Eddie would have lived and recently, of the younger losers helping him.

He could do this, he could, they were going to win, and Richie would do anything to make sure that it happened.

Eddie's adult form takes place in his mind again and usually he'd get sad not soon after the thought popped up, but now, he felt happy and determined instead.

When they walked inside the house, nothing out of the ordinary popped up. They walked through the house, surprisingly unharmed or bothered. They made their way to the well and the sewers. The spot they fought Pennywise last time looked exactly the same and for a second, the losers thought that maybe, just maybe, that the clown wasn’t here.

“Are we sure that the clown is here?” Mike asked future Richie and that had never even occurred to him, but he had to be right? He was just sleeping or at least that’s what Pennywise made it seem like he did.

“He’s here,” older Richie said, “he’s probably just caught off guard or is possibly waiting for a sneak attack.”

Which was probably true. Honestly, future Richie wasn’t 100% sure that Pennywise was here, but he didn’t know where else he would be. He was taking a chance, but he couldn’t let the younger losers know that.

So, he looked down into the hole and he knew where he was about to go. He was about to dive deeper into the rabbit hole. He feels like he did that once today, but this one is different. The pantry was the rabbit hole that led to a different time, in this rabbit hole, he was about to dive deep into a different world, hell.

Pennywise was bound to show the losers all their greatest fears, but Richie wasn’t afraid anymore. Richie wasn’t even afraid to die. He’s seen his biggest fears come to life and nothing is worse than losing the people that matter most to you.

That’s happened twice in his life, from this clown, and honestly, he didn’t have much to lose, and he knew that Pennywise could be defeated.

Underneath it all, he was just a clown anyways.

A stupid clown.

With that thought on the tip of his mind, he started climbing down, falling down, falling down, the rabbit hole again.

#Reddie #Reddie fanfic #richie x eddie

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queensofmystery · 8 years ago

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Closer - WIP

For @nairobiwonders and her fic Friday event (that I want to become a weekly event now...)

I’m sorry to post something unfinished, but I just had an image pop into my head and went with it, and of course it is taking longer to express than I thought. And I really wanted to post something on fic Friday!

“Watson?”

Joan was pulled out of her doze far too easily by the tone in Sherlock’s voice. He would never intentionally wake her up this way.

She turned over in bed to face her doorway, where Sherlock stood, his hands tucked tightly into the pockets of his sweatpants, his torso bare exposing his swath of strange tattoos and the erratic nature of his breathing. He looked furtively at her through his lashes, his forehead showing a few extra wrinkles.

Her bleary confused stare immediately shifted all the way over to concern. “What is it, Sherlock?” She had barely gone to bed half an hour ago, and it wasn’t like Sherlock to bother her after she’d chosen to go to bed—at least not for the next six or seven hours.

“I had a, uh…” He looked away from her, pursed his lips, an unfamiliar action for him. He was obviously berating himself. “A request,” he finished, glancing from her face to the floor. A twitch in one of his arms told her he was struggling to keep his hands in his pockets.

She let her expression return to confusion. “Okay,” she said, letting him know with the cadence of the word she wasn’t annoyed, hoping he would look up at her. “Is something wrong?”

“No I only…um.” His wandering gaze went from the floor to the ceiling, and he began bouncing only slightly on his heels, the move so subtle only eyes as keen as hers could catch it. She would bet his pulse was increasing right now. She raised herself up on one elbow, pushing he braid over her shoulder and trying to catch any nuance of expression that would tell her his thoughts. She’d learned to read Sherlock well enough over the years, that even with only the hall light illuminating him from behind, she could tell he was embarrassed, not only anxious. It was in how he held his shoulders down, his hands in his pockets rather than out for her to see, his eyes wandering more than they ever did. Sherlock’s eyes were always focused—when they were not, it meant one of two things. He was extremely unsure or he was under the influence.

“I had an encounter earlier that I thought you should know about.” He finally got the words out, managing to focus on her face for more than a heartbeat. “It was with a, uh, drug dealer.”

“I take it this drug dealer was a member of SBK?” Joan ventured, knowing Sherlock was still not one-hundred percent on board with Shinwell remaining an informant—his hands-off approach to Shinwell’s training was proof enough of that. It had nothing to do with giving Joan “the honors,” as he kept referring to Shinwell’s training as, in that wry yet cheerful way he had.

He gave a slight nod, to the side as if he only begrudgingly admitted it. She had no idea why—she was sure he had good reason for talking to a member of SBK. They had to learn their enemy just as well as Shinwell had, after all.

“He offered to sell to me. Said he could recognize a user, even a former one,” he continued, rolling one shoulder in suppressed irritation. Anger was creeping onto his face, but he was holding it in.

“I seek not only your counsel, Watson, but your…reassurance.” His eyes locked with hers, and he was clearly biting the inside of his cheek, hard. He wanted to lash out—this was not the same restlessness she’d seen a few weeks ago, when he’d stopped going to meetings. This was a barely controlled hatred—at loss of control, loss of focus, two things that were the cornerstones of his sobriety, as she’d warned him when he’d insisted on his intellectual superiority.

“You know you can talk to me, Sherlock,” she said, feeling sleep pull at her but knowing Sherlock needed someone now. If this had been four years ago, he might even had said the word “relapse” in earnest. Now they knew each other too well—he would not be so forward. He knew enough to fear his effect on her. It pained her to think of it—to think of what his last relapse had damaged, but it wasn’t something she could dwell on now.

He nodded more energetically this time, his words coming out hurried, “I know this, Watson, and you know I value your support. I only hesitate to ask more of you now since our partnership has drifted so far from the one between sober companion and client—” He bit off the end of the sentence, his gaze wandering to the window behind her. He was searching for the words now, holding his entire body tightly bound close, as if he feared the words that he sought.

“Sherlock, please look at me.” He did, albeit hesitating for a good second, searching that blank darkness past her window for a last futile moment. “We are friends. Just because I was once your sober companion doesn’t mean I am any less your friend now. If it helps, view me as an Irregular that you just happen to live with,” she said, holding out her left hand palm up to punctuate her suggestion. He gave her a skeptical side-eye, but was still listening, so she continued. “My background as a sober companion only makes me a friend specialized in giving support when it comes to your addiction. We are no longer sober companion and client, and we don’t ever need to be again. But that doesn’t mean you have to feel bad for asking me for help. Friends are supposed to want to help each other.”

He was uncannily still for a few seconds, studying her with a scrutiny she recognized as completely selfish—he only looked at people that way when he was deducing how they could be lying, even unconsciously. And Joan knew, even unconsciously, she was telling the truth.

“If I were to ask you, Watson, as an Irregular and a friend, if you felt comfortable sharing a bed for the night, would you object?” he said, a rasping in his voice that betrayed his fear.

The words hung between them accompanied only by Joan’s increased, staccato heartbeat spreading through her limbs. Could Sherlock see that?

Her expression didn’t change though, so she felt safe enough to reply. “No. But I have to ask why.” Her words came out measured, a careful slowness that she knew Sherlock could read as trepidation. Hopefully he read nothing more.

He bounced visibly on his heels, once, twice, his eyes wandering again. “When I was using, I found it more satisfactory to distance myself from others. Not only socially but physically. Physical touch was more abhorrent to me then than it ever has been��or ever will be.” He stopped to study her expression. Nothing had changed, he had to be realizing. She was listening in her nonjudgmental way, waiting. He took a slow, audible breath, his chest expanding, before he continued.

“As you know I have usually taken on an exercise partner to use whatever excess energies may be hindering my deductive processes. But this exercise also stimulates my mind and detracts from those excess energies that…” Here he finally took one hand from his pocket, gesticulating with a few circling motions his struggle to express something that so troubled him. “…That make my addiction more tangible to me.”

She took a slow breath herself, gathering her courage. “I’m not having sex with you.”

He held up a finger. “I did not say that, Watson, allow me to elaborate.” He could not look at her after she’d said the word “sex”. It was strangely amusing to see him uncomfortable at something she had said. She let her mouth twist in a wry smile.

“It is not the actual sexual act I have found to detract from that energy which brings me closer to my addiction, but the…” He moved his hand back and forth between them, bouncing his heels at the same time now that he was finally getting his difficult message across. “…contact, you see. So I thought, perhaps, if you were not opposed we could…”

“Share a bed,” she finished for him, seeing he’d taken his other hand out of his pocket and had begun to fidget in a decidedly stressed fashion.

He finally lowered his gesturing hand and gave a small nod, eyes on the floor, pursing his lips again. “Precisely.”

She looked away from him, gathering her thoughts, and trying to slow an irritable racing heartbeat. If she thought Sherlock was manipulating her in any way, she would’ve stopped him before he’d barely begun. But this was not manipulation—she’d seldom seen him this vulnerable, not since his relapse. He didn’t want to elaborate, but something about that SBK dealer had shaken him. They would talk about it later, but now was not the time for dissecting and deducing. It was nearing 1am, and Joan had no real reason to object to Sherlock’s request.

She scooted farther to the left of her bed, pulling back the covers for him. “Alright, you can share my bed with me, but if you start kicking in your sleep you’re out. And turn the hall light off please.”

Sherlock was still for a fraught three seconds before he sprang into motion, going to turn the hall light off and rushing back to her doorway like a recalcitrant child. She lay back on her pillow, moving the one other pillow she had to the right side of the bed for Sherlock. He saw her movement and took that for definite permission, coming to her bedside and climbing under the covers in not slow, but careful motions as if he waited for her to take back her words.

But only the rustle of bedsheets filled the room as Sherlock settled next to her. They both lay on their backs, staring at the ceiling, Sherlock as silent as he was capable, waiting for her further approval. She bit her bottom lip to hold back an irrational smile.

“Sherlock, you said physical contact helped you focus your energy away from your addiction,” she said, still looking at the ceiling. He didn’t move. She gave a small sigh. “What would you like me to do?”

A few seconds passed. Then he raised his left hand, palm up toward her. “Hand, please.”

She turned to look at his profile. His eyes were closed, his lungs expanding far too fast for her liking. She silently gave him her right hand.

He exhaled, long and slow. She found herself looking at the tattoo on his shoulder, the one of such great detail she’d never been able to determine exactly everything in contained. It was too dark now, but it occurred to her she had never asked him what the tattoo was, or why he had gotten it.

“Would it help to talk?” she said, her voice coming out a bit quieter, the reality of the darkness and their closeness settling in. She wore shorts and a tank-top for her pajamas—their skin to skin contact had never reached this level of potential. Her mind whirled in uncertainty for a few seconds, not knowing what to feel except for a familiar worry—for Sherlock and for her strange reactions—and an unwelcome excitement.

He was silent for much longer this time. His breathing slowed (and so did hers, though she never acknowledged that it increased in the first place), his grasp on her hand remained relaxed, his eyes closed. She knew he wasn’t asleep—he was thinking, considering. Her words or something else, she could only guess right now.

“No, Watson, I think…” His voice had grown softer as well, and his head turned toward her. “Can I move closer?”

She had turned to face him, and at his question her hand unconsciously tightened on his. She gave a single nod to confirm her agreement, a millisecond later realizing she wasn’t really sure what she’d just agreed to.

He took her hand and draped it over his chest. He was so warm he was almost hot, and if Joan had not been a surgeon and had not known Sherlock was nowhere near ill, she would’ve thought he had a fever. In contrast her skin was cold against his. She moved closer to him to move her arm further across his chest, the prickle of his chest hairs sending foreign but welcome chills down her back. She hoped he didn’t notice the goosebumps rising on her skin (how could he not notice).

Her forehead touched his shoulder, and they spent several minutes settled thus, her feeling his chest rise and fall beneath her arm, him holding her hand gently in his own. Joan could not summon sleep. She was no longer even tired. It may have been approaching 2am, or 3am, she would not know. She feared moving closer, that he might feel her heartbeat increasing again. But then she realized he could feel her pulse as clear as day against his skin. Something in her shifted, and fear rose, but she didn’t know what to do with it. Her hand clenched into a fist under his, and she closed her eyes against the fear, seeking the empty blackness behind her eyelids to give her some calm.

Instead she felt Sherlock’s heartbeat, beating nearly as fast as hers, and this small detail made her open her eyes.

Sherlock was looking at her. She lifted her head, blinking a silent question at him, feigning nonchalance. He took his hand from hers, and lifted it to her face, holding his hand just above her forehead.

“May I?” he said, that rasping back in his voice, the words coming out a whisper that barely brushed her cheek. She nodded.

He smoothed his hand over her hair, and though she couldn’t see his expression, she felt his hesitation. He wasn’t fully touching her, holding his hand just a hairsbreadth away. She could feel that hesitation just as much as if he’d grabbed her. She was about to say something, when he began undoing her braid.

She hadn’t even noticed him pulling off the hair tie, only registering peripherally that he had moved his hand to her braid, pulling it over her shoulder. Now all she could focus on was what little she could see of his eyes, intent on the braid he was now undoing, as if it was another experiment that had caught him unawares, that he could not help but explore.

His fingers ran through her now loose hair, again and again, until she could feel the static against her neck, but also the brush of his fingers, sending more chills through her.

EDIT: the finished chapter is up on ao3

#elementasquee #elementary fic #joan watson #joanlock #elementary #sherlock holmes (elementary)#my writing #*hangs head*#i wish i hadn't been so scared i might've been able to get this done tonight #but alas it will be added to the WIP list

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blogs-a-clusterfuck · 8 years ago

Note

All asks

1. What have you eaten today?A lot of shit 2. Who was your last kiss with? Was it pleasant?My gf, yeah of course  3. What color shoes did you last wear?Black workshoes 4. Who has made you laugh the hardest in the last week?THIS TUMBLR POST WITH ET IN IT 5. What is your favorite scent?mint and eucalyptus  6. What is your favorite season? Why?Spring, I like rain and the warmth but not too hot 7. Can you do a handstand or cartwheel?I can cartwheel  8. What color are your nails?Bare bc I can't paint them for work  9. If you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be?Tattoo my eyebrows on 10. What is something you find romantic?Stars, flowers,  11. Are you happy?I think so, it's weird for me to say but yes.  12. Is there anything in particular making you happy or sad?I mean I'm sad because of some self image thing but I'm pretty happy 13. Dogs or Cats?Dogs but I don't mind cats 15. Which do you prefer:a museum, a night club, the forest or a library?All??? But if I have to choose a museum or the forest.  15. What is your style?I'm trying to change it to a little more badass  16. If you could be doing anything you like right now, what would it be?Traveling. 17. Are you in a relationship or single?Dating 18. What makes you attracted to the person you like right now?Everything  19. If you could replace your partner/best friend with a celebrity of your choice, would you? Who with?BITCH, MARKIPLIER.  20. Are you holding on to something you need to let go of? If so then what? Yes. A lot actually and I should talk about it but I don't want to bother people 21. How did you celebrate last Halloween?Went out 22. Have you recently made any big decisions? Yes, a huge one. And tomorrow I'm planning another one.  23. Were you ever in a school play?7 years and may is my last performance ever 😭😭😭 24. What movie would you use to describe your life?I mean my life is fucked... 25. Is there something you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?Traveling, I don't have the money or opportunity just yet.  26. Complete this sentence, “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”My life, a house, everything 27. What are two things that irritate you about the same sex?Idk some girls are just so condescending and petty 28. What are two things that irritate you about the opposite sex?Guys are so stupid sometimes and don't know when to stop 29. What is the best thing that has happened to you this week?I went to see beauty and the beast with my girlfriend.  30. What is something that makes you sad when you think about it?My brother, or my childhood 31. How long was your longest relationship?11 months was my longest.  32. Have you ever been in love?Yes 33. Are you currently in love?Yes I really think so 34. Why did your last relationship end?She was emotionally abusive and manipulative 35. What jewelry are you wearing right now, and where did you get it?I'm not wearing any  36. When was the last time you cried and why?I cried the other night because I found out where my brother grave was 37. Name someone pretty.Jillian 💕 38. What did you receive last Valentines Day?Kit Kats, a little teddy bear and mug, and a really cute handmade card 39. Do you get jealous easily?Ehhhhh. It depends. Like I used to get kinda jealous at my girlfriend 'brother' but I realized there's nothing to be afraid of. So not really.  40. Have you ever been cheated on?Yes I have.  41. Do you trust your partner/best friend?Yeah 42. Ever had detention?Yup from me. Dasilva  43. Would you rather live in the countryside or the city?Either is fine! 44. What do people call you? Richelle? I don't have a nickname I've always wanted one but my name doesn't work 45. What was the last book you read? 13 reasons 46. How big of a nerd/dork are you? Pretty big 47. What kind of music do you listen to?Anything no joke 48. How tall are you?5'2 49. Do you like kids?YES 50. Favorite fruits?pineapple, tomato, grapes 51. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?Jeans 52. What’s your earliest memory?Either sea world or my parents having a really huge fight and my dad threw something  53. Ever had a poem or song written about you or to you?No 54. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?In front just because idk anything about editing 55. Do you have a collection of anything? Minerals and rocks 56. Do you save money or spend it? Spend it 57. What would your dream house be like?Something cozy and very warm. Like I'm thinking something more in a countryside 58. What top 5 things make you the angriest?1) pettiness2) people who are rude for no reason 3) hatred. There's no need4) cheating on someone5) when I get angry at people  59. What top 5 things always brings a smile to your face?1) my girlfriend 2) music3) my friends 4) my coworker meg5) sleeping 60. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?Fuck my job, I'm saving the damn dog. I can get a new job 61. 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?I would tell people very close to me, I would quit my job and go travel around the world to any places I missed and of course I would be afraid but not for me. For the people I've let into my life. 62. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.Valves, vena cava, love, pulmonary Artery  63. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?OH MAN EITEHR AUSTRALIA OR TRINIDAD  64. Do you like the beach?yeah it's sweet 65. Ever sleep on the couch or a bed with someone special?Yeah my ex's 66. Do you have a middle name? If so what is it!Lynn 67. Do you talk to yourself?I mean not outloud but in my head 68. Describe your hair.Gross, dark brown, frizzy, I hate it, wavy but not super wavy just enough to be a pain 69. What is the meaning of life.Please don't ask me this I have like 5 theories  70. What is your ideal partner like?Kind, understanding, intelligent, driven, would love to do the crazy shit I want to do 71. Do you want to get married?Eventually  72. Do you want to have kids?Yes 1 or 2 73. Like or dislike your family?Hate my dad, love my mom, I'm very precise about everyone 74. Are you Chunky or Slim?I'm pretty big and I hate it  75. Would you consider yourself smart? Ehhhhh not really 76. What would you change about your life? Everything except the people in my life (not including family tbh) 77. Religious or Not?Not 78. You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?Samantha. No fucking doubt.  79. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?Nope not at all 80. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?My girlfriend is literally the only person who says they love me. My family doesn't say that to me are you kidding?? 81. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?Laying down talking about life  82. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?Yeah of course 83. Do you like when people play with your hair? YESSSS 84. Do you like bubble baths?YES PLEASE 85. Have you ever been pulled over by a cop?me, no. But I was in the car once with my dad 86. Have you ever danced in the rain?Yeah and then got very sick with bronchitis  87. Do you trust anyone with your life?Idk... maybe??? Probably not 88. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?Fuck I have work in 3 hours 89. If money wasn’t an issue, what top 10 places would you travel to? (You get to stay at each place for a week) 1) Trinidad 2) Australia 3) Nicaragua 4) Italy5) Paris6) Germany7) Amsterdam 8) Japan9) Egypt 10) Brazil 90. How was your day today?Meh I was at work all night 91. Play an instrument? 6 to be exact 92. Describe the what you think of the ocean.I love the ocean, is very calming and you look out and it seems like it goes on forever. It grounds me because when you look out it's so vast I remember that I'm only a very tiny part of this world and that scares most people but not me 93. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts?I'm not sure...... 94. Honestly, are things how you wanted them to be? Not really but some things are fine 95. Do you have a mean bitchy scary side?Not really. Inside I do but I have taught myself not to get angry with people and I tend to stay calm and don't show emotions 96. When are you vulnerable?It may sound weird but at night, or when I'm alone with someone 97. How much free time do you have?Not a lot but at night I stay up until like 3am, it's actually 1am rn 98. Do you like to go hiking? Yeah 99. Odd or Even Numbers?Even  100. Would you ever go sky diving, bungee jumping , cliff diving, wing suit gliding, parasailing, snorkeling, or other extreme activities?ABSOLUTELY

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